Bandit's Redemptive Move
What Bluey's dad taught me about creative restoration through sacrifice
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"I told you so!" Often filled with legitimate frustration at advice ignored, these moments also present an opportunity for redemptive action. In settling for an eye-for-an-eye outcome for our neighbor, we often miss the chance to demonstrate generosity and be an agent of restoration in someone else's life through creative sacrifice.
The opportunities for redemptive action are everywhere—if only we have the eyes to see them. This week, Bluey was part of reenergizing my redemptive imagination, giving me a new lens to see the power of sacrifice. And if you’re scoffing that there’s no way that a TV show for kids could teach you something, I’d challenge you to keep reading to test that hypothesis. I’ll bet you’re wrong.
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Bluey has been a favorite in the Brake household of late. The sub-ten-minute episodes featuring Bluey Heeler and her dad Bandit, mom Chilli, and younger sister Bingo score highly for the same reason as many Pixar movies: they manage to tell a story with a level of simplicity that kids understand and love while simultaneously communicating a meaningful message to the adults watching too.
One of my favorite episodes is Season 2 Episode 46: Ice Cream1. In the episode, Bluey, Bingo, and Dad are out with another dad-and-daughter pair and approach an ice cream stand. Despite their cousin getting ice cream, Dad starts by telling Bluey and Bingo that they're not going to get ice cream today…only to cave a few seconds later to the girls' pleading.
The girls pick out their respective ice cream flavors: Bluey gets strawberry and Bingo gets mango. But, then the trouble begins. Cue dad: “Here we go…”
Bingo wants a lick of Bluey's ice cream and a lick-for-lick trade is negotiated But there's a catch. Who licks first?
Bluey and Bingo are fixated on making sure that neither of them gets taken advantage of. They come up with a carefully orchestrated plan: each will stick out their tongue a mutually-agreed upon amount and they will each lick the other's cone at the same time.
What happens next is the part that has me and my kids always cracking up. As they each try to lick the other’s cone while holding back their cone, they chase each other in circles until both ice cream cones have melted into puddles. At the end of their dance, they both sit down in disappointment realizing that in their obsession with executing a fair trade, they've squandered it all.
All too often, we approach our lives and our resources through the lens of the win-win. We're willing to share our ice cream, but only if we're going to get something we deem to be fair compensation in return.
Not only do we exhaust time and energy negotiating over what we feel to be fair terms, but even afterward, we often do the same thing that Bluey and Bingo do. We spin around in circles, unwilling to make ourselves vulnerable and open the door for someone else, even someone we love, to take advantage of us.
Ice creams melted, Bluey and Bingo sit and lament their selfishness. They started with two delicious ice cream cones and now they have none. They return and sit in front of Dad. Dad sees what has happened in Bluey and Bingo's tragic quest for a tit-for-tat ice cream trade.
As they come back to him with empty cones complaining that it's not fair that their ice cream is gone, he starts with a "told you so" lecture that will be familiar to any parent, reminding them that their melted ice cream is not his fault. In fact, the fact that their ice cream is melted is about as fair as could be. "For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."
But then, something changes. It happens right here, at 5:48. Dad is sitting on the bench with his distraught daughters on the ground in front of him. They've gotten what they deserved, their ice cream melted away as a result of their own pettiness. Up until this point, Dad is holding the line with his kids. Class is in session at the school of tough love.
And yet, in the wake of their poor choices, he makes a redemptive one. In a moment of silence amidst the whining, he sees the redemptive opportunity. Instead of keeping his ice cream for himself, he's going to bless his girls with it.
He passes his dish of ice cream to his daughters and now their response toward him and each other couldn't be more different. Seeing the gift of their ice cream through a new lens, instead of trying to get their due they give to each other first. They understand what has been true all along—the ice cream is a generous gift from their father. And after being so obsessed with making sure that neither one would be exploited by the other taking too large of a lick, they trust each other and consider each other even as they enjoy the ice cream themselves.
As I'm reflecting on the simple and yet profound lesson embedded in this story I'm taking away a few lessons.
1. Recognize that what we have is in large part not our own
The first step is to recognize the way that what we have is largely downstream of others who have supported us physically, financially, emotionally, or otherwise. We are stewards, not owners. We have been given many gifts, and these gifts are the seed we cultivate through our efforts and contributions. All too often we forget the shoulders we stand upon and convince ourselves that our achievements are ours alone. What a dangerous self-deception.
2. Realize the self-imposed ceiling of the win-win
Once we deceive ourselves that the things that we have are ours—whether material resources, financial assets, talents, or connections—the lie of the win-win global optimum follows close on its heels. There's nothing wrong with looking for win-win situations. This will describe many of the transactions in our lives.
And yet, more often than we might want to admit, we end up in the same situation as Bluey and Bingo. We don't just want the win-win, we want a specific version of the win-win which eliminates the need for any vulnerability on our part. We are willing to move towards another, but only if they will simultaneously move toward us.
3. See and seize the opportunity to bless
The opportunity we often fail to recognize and even less often fail to exercise is for redemptive action.
The closing shot of the episode is Dad sitting with his arms around Bluey and Bingo as they sit looking out over the water. The view is beautiful, but the demonstration of the redemptive way and the power of "I sacrifice, we win" is what ultimately gives the scene its deep meaning.
If you skipped the episode earlier but are now regretting that choice—here’s a link.
Worth Your Attention This Week
Smart advice here from
on making your next presentation more engaging.A love letter from a fellow Bluey fan,
, to Bandit.Michael Elowitz from Caltech also has some great advice on making good slides (unfortunately a bit hidden at the bottom of the page). Lots of good stuff there, but this one in particular is one that I often tell my students.
Title slides only with active claims or questions. The active claims and questions in your outline should become the titles on your slides. Keep them short. Sometimes you will find it difficult to title a slide with a claim. When that happens, do not give up. It is nearly always a sign that the point you are trying to make is not totally clear. By struggling with this, you will make the structure of the talk clearer.
The Book Nook
I always get sharp book recommendations from my readers (thank you!). This latest recommendation (h/t
) is Permutation City. It explores themes about personhood in a world where one’s existence can be extended via a simulated digital representation. One of the best things about sci-fi is not acting as a blueprint for the world we want, but serving as a vehicle to help us ask questions about the world we’re aiming for.The Professor Is In
The professor was out last week, in Indianapolis for a meeting. We stayed at the beautiful Bottleworks Hotel which was a Coca-Cola bottling site in a previous life. An exceptional place and a great first introduction to Indianapolis!
Leisure Line
One afternoon we took some time to visit the Newfields Art & Nature Museum. Another beautiful building and I enjoyed getting to explore the exhibits and the gardens on the grounds.
One exhibit especially grabbed my attention—perhaps unshocking to those of you who have been here for any amount of time—was titled “The Message is the Medium: Contemporary Art”.
One piece in the exhibit that particularly grabbed my attention was a series of boards lined up against the wall with burn marks on them. After reading the description, I learned that the artist had installed a Fresnel lens on their roof. The strips on the individual boards were created by the focused sunlight as the sun traveled its course through the day. Pretty neat idea (although the burnt look isn’t quite my taste…)
Still Life
A last memorable place to share from Indianapolis is the newly renovated Polk Stables building which was restored into a co-working space. We had the opportunity to use the space while we were there and hear about its history.
You can read more about the story of the space in an article from a local Indidanpolis newspaper here.
Your work is always such a treat and this is no exception
I really appreciated this issue. And not only for the topic, which I consider absolutely valuable in every sphere of daily, private and professional life, but above all for how it was written. First of all, I believe that children's cartoons have absolutely a lot to teach and that - every now and then - we too should perhaps watch some episodes. I cannot forget, for example, the show 'Curious George', in my opinion one of the best cartoons ever made, which invites us not only to reflect on many principles of everyday life, but also on being curious and open to experiences and other people. the parallelism you created earlier with Bluey is in fact an excellent way of illustrating the concepts through an engaging narrative in its own way, and I also really liked the way you used images to accompany the evolution of the story in the process and of reasoning. Thanks for sharing.